Take that, bike shop boy

You may recall, and I'm not obsessing over this or bearing a grudge or anything, but back a couple months ago I went to the Bike Mechanic Who Shall Remain Nameless at the Outdoor Store Which Shall Remain Nameless about getting a flat handlebar put on my bike (a hybrid KHS Urban Xpress, if you'll recall) so I could mount an aero bar on it. Said Mechanic (still nameless) called the idea retarded. I then decided I would never darken that store's door again, etc., etc. You can read all the boring history thereof here.

Anyway, the good folks at Cycle Solutions delivered, and for much less than I'd anticipated -- about $70 for bar, bar ends and installation, tax in. Picked it up this afternoon and took it for a spin.

It's a much shorter bar, so the brakes and shifters are pushed more toward the centre, which I find much more comfortable -- there's less twist in my wrist. The bar ends are very low-profile, not like the big horns you see people honking up hills with. (Sorry, "honking" is bike jargon. I think. Maybe it's just an insult.) They act as more of a palm rest at the end of the bar.

As for the aero bars ... well, I had been warned, hadn't I? Your elbows take some weight for your back, and you tuck in more aerodynamically. But because you're steering essentially from the stem of the bike, it's not easy to keep it traveling straight. You have to look it straight: Take a bead on something 20-30 yards ahead, and the bike will track to it. Sight on anything closer, it's a bit of a wobble. Needless to say, this is not for use in traffic.(Looking it straight also works when you're pushing your bike from the seat rather than the handlebars.)

In any event, I feel vindicated. It's a more comfortable ride. The bike even looks a little meaner, a little more lethal, in the way a hat-rack can look lethal, you know, if it's sharp and maybe falls on you the wrong way.

Temporary shutdown

I was planning to do more training today than I got to. I had a run in my schedule, but I thought I could squeeze a swim and some weights in, too. Didn't quite work out.

Being on staycation, naturally, I'm waking up earlier than I ever do for work. I was up at 5:30, looking to maybe go for a run at six. At six, I checked the temperature: 15C. Thought I'd give it an hour to warm up. At seven: 14C.

I took off anyway, eager to try the water bottle that straps to my hand that my daughter gave me (almost unnoticeable, though the weight turns your hand palm down, and it's perfect for about a 45-60-minute run; wear it on your off hand if you're racing, so you can grab on-course refreshments with your good hand) and the compression sleeves I'd got for my calves. They're supposed to prevent shin splints, increase circulation, and help combat lactic acid build-up. They may, in fact, do all of these things; I definitely felt more comfortable in the calves.

It was also the firsts time I'd run with speed laces, and particularly with zero-friction loops. These loops screw into the eyelets of your shoes, and the speed laces -- which clinch with a spring-loaded plastic cylinder, rather than tying -- loop through. They're supposed to offer instant adjustability, even tension, etc. They screw into every second eyelet on the shoe.


I'd installed them a couple weeks ago on one of my pairs of Sauconies, but I'd never taken them for a run. I'd walked in them, and I have to confess they didn't feel that balanced, tension-wise. Hot spots on the tongue (which could be a symptom of malaria).

My run this morning confirmed: Not nearly enough support. The laces only cross the shoe three or four times; with the support demands my feet have, that's not nearly enough. The first 15 minutes were fine; after that, serious knee pain. In my bad knee. I tried a couple five-minute stretches afterward, but then shut it down.

On finishing, I immediately unscrewed the zero-friction fittings and replaced the laces with speed laces that fit through all the eyeholes of my shoes. I can feel the difference already. The shoe's as tightly locked as with regular laces. I also picked up a patellar tendon strap that goes under the knee, which ushered away the pain quite quickly. I'll probably have to get used to running with it on; the lacing issue may not have caused the problem so much as exposed it. We'll see.

So, rather than work out more, I watched Spain vs. Portugal in the World Cup. Probably the best game I've seen so far. Tomorrow's a swim day, so there's also the prospect of weights and whatever else the Y has to offer. Yoga, maybe.

PS: Re: The request for photos of me in the embarrassingly tight swim trunks ... not without my race bib on.

Power training after the G20

Yeah, shameless Googlebait in the heading. I did get the hell out of Dodge for the G20 weekend, and in the nick of time, apparently. My daughter and I spent the weekend at my folks' in the suburbs, occasionally yelling at the TV: "If you wanna break shit, break it in your own neighbourhood, ya punk!"

I didn't have my daughter for the Father's Day weekend, so she was eager to give me my gift. Especially eager since our first stop after I picked her up was Running Free in Ajax. "You have to open it before you get out of the car!" she said. So I did: A running hat and a water bottle that straps to your hand from The Running Room. I was so thrilled -- my daughter, while she may think I'm crazy, supports me in this.

Less supportive she was as I was picking through swim trunks. I'd settled on a thigh length pair of TYRs that are unfortunately tight if the guy who's going to be wearing them happens to be your father. "Can't you find something that goes to your knees?" she asked. When I pointed out the alternative -- something in more of a Speedo cut -- she reluctantly relented.

You think that something like a tighter fitting trunk is going to have a minimal effect. It doesn't. When I first got the chance to wear them in the pool today, my first length, it reduced the number of strokes from 21 to 18. I swam a 400-yard uninterrupted stretch and had plenty left over. Not saying I couldn't have done it with something a little blousier, but still.

The swim was later in the aft. I went for a 90-minute bike ride first, because I'm way behind on my bike training. Didn't do hill repeats because I've been off the bike for two weeks. Dropped it off at Cycle Solutions on Parliament to finally get that flat bar put on. I'd wanted a Specialized Transition Aero bar, but one of the guys talked me out of it -- I'd need new brake levers, new shifters, and, in general, a lot of money. Instead, I settled for an Easton straight bar and dropped off my Profile Design clip-on aeros for them to install, and put a pair of low-profile bar-ends on to give me another hand-position option. Whole schtick costs less than the Specialized bars alone, so that's a good thing.

I'm bikeless till Wednesday, but that should be fine; I'm going for a run in the morning, and I'll probably go for a swim later in the day. I'm on staycation at the moment. This is a build week in my training, so I'm planning on putting as much time in as I can. Put a big vat of chili in the slow cooker, so I don't have to cook for a couple days. Just run, swim and, when I get my bike back, ride.

Got a couple surprises for my body this week. Can't tell ya, cuz I don't want it to find out.

The Aquatic Goat Rodeo

They've shut down the training pool at the Y for maintenance for six weeks. The training pool is kept about 10F warmer than the lengths pool. The depth is adjustable, but it's generally kept about three feet deep. This is where older folk go for low-impact exercise and physio; novices develop their strokes in an environment where the side is never far away and the water's never deep. I like going there at the end of my swim to stretch in the warmer water.

But as it's closed, the die-hards among the denizens are flooding the lengths pool. There are three roped-off lanes for lengths, taking up half the pool, but I wasn't sure I'm fast or consistent enough to use them, when I had the whole other half of the pool to swim lengths without getting in somebody's way. But today, it was an obstacle course in there. People just standing around, people doing physio routines that looked like interpretive dance, people just in general getting in the way.

At first, I was sore displeased. I was having a helluva a time picking my way around people to do my set. Twenty-five metre lengths were becoming 30m lengths. I was shipping water from the wakes of other people trying to swim lengths pressed into a more confined area.

Then, dodging someone coming eastbound while I was trying to go west, I almost collided with a guy going west at a fair clip front crawl. I pulled up in time, but found myself swimming right at his feet. And I found the going surprisingly easy; I was keeping pace with breast stroke, and it was a cool-down lap. My first experience of drafting in the water.

That's when I realized ... if I think *this* is a goat rodeo, what am I going to make of the beginning of the triathlon? I started to enjoy it more. It's good practice for swimming in traffic. Good for learning how to draft. Good for learning how to deal with a mouthful of water.

And I started realizing the people "in my way" weren't pylons. The two women leaning on the edge of the pool chatting? One was trying to help the other overcome her fear of water and feel more comfortable floating. The older guy beside them was doing pushdowns with flutterboards stacked on top of each other. Excellent idea.

I did eventually move over to the roped off lanes, where I settled in quite comfortably in the medium-fast lane. I actually ended up doing almost as much dodging there; one of my lane-mates had a massively horizontal front crawl, his arms swinging out almost the entire width of the lane. I had to duck half into the fast lane on more than one occasion. But I managed to string together 200m uninterrupted, which is the best I've managed to date.

With only eight weeks to go, I think it's too late for a massive overhaul of my swim technique. That'll have to wait till winter. But I find myself hoping next swim is going to be just as crowded so I can work on my traffic skills and see if I can sneak in a draft or two without anybody noticing.

Help Wanted: Somebody who can explain nutrition

There are three disciplines to a triathlon: swimming, cycling and running. The transitions -- getting from swimto bike, and from bike to run -- are considered the fourth discipline. In training, though, I think there's a third-and-a-half discipline, especially for those of us who are recent jumpers-on of the fitness bandwagon: Proper fueling.

I have done much research regarding how to eat properly when in training, and in preparation for a race. I.m still pretty much faking it, though I can't complain I'm carbing out during workouts or feel woozy from eating the wrong stuff. Carbs before workout (peanut butter and English muffins -- I think I've mentioned I'm 19% peanut butter by weight now -- bananas and yogurt), carbs and protein afterward (the blessed chocolate milk -- widely hailed as The Best Recovery Food Ever -- fish and rice and veggies and stuff).

But I keep reading how I should get x% of my calories from carbs, x% from proteins and x% from fats, and frankly, even with the anal-retentive level of food labeling we have in this country, I can't figure out what that means. How many grams of carbs equals how many calories? How many calories to a gram of fat? Saturated or unsaturated or polyunsaturated? Am I gettijng enough protein? Am I getting too much protein?

Best advice I have to go on is Canada's Food Guide, but erring on the high end of the range -- more calories, more servings of each food type. And I'm getting by. I haven't bonked in a workout.

But I sure would like to know how to reach that nirvana of carb/protein/fat balance. Not that I necessarily would hold to that diet; I'd just like to know how to do the math. If anyone can enlighten me, I'd be grateful.

The other dietary issue I have to work out is ... let's call it "processing time." I already have an issue with getting to work at 9 a.m. because it's a 1:15 commute and every morning between 7:45 and 8:00, nature calls rather urgently. (I'm sharing too much, amn't I?) I'm looking at about an 8:20 start time for the race. I have to a) ensure I'm carbed up and ready to go for that start and 2) work out how to make sure I'm not in the porta when the gun goes off.

Any advice (other than eat more peanut butter) would be appreciated.

Me and the boys go running

Warning: This blog posting contains persistent, euphemistic references to the male nether regions (see, there's one already). And something that might qualify as a joke. If that sort of thing offends you, don't get teste. Um, testy. Just stop reading now.

I was discussing with a friend, who shall remain nameless for the time being, the importance of quality workout gear. Anything I buy this summer, I said, will be of a wicking polyester nature. I recently bought a pair of Elan shorts from Mountain Equipment Co-op -- 87% Supplex, 13% spandex in a "men's specific" cut. They're 1,000% comfortable. I was trying to find a polite way to explain that, well, my boys don't want me to wear anything else.

"My undercarriage approves," I said.

"'Undercarriage-approved,'" she mused. "God, I hope that's a thumb that's up in the logo."

I've long held to a no-Speedo ethic, feeling that such swimwear puts the side-order of veggies too prominently on display. "Banana hammocks," my friend Joe calls them. However, at some point, you gotta say, "Modesty be damned," give some priority to comfort, and maybe wear a longer jersey.

Cotton is cheap. Cotton is forgiving. Sweatwise, cotton also soaks it up like your Scottish uncle at a whisky pavilion. It becomes uncomfortable quite quickly; and if it's miserable in the heat, it's even worse in the cold. I've read recently that Merino wool wicks wonderfully and controls odour well, but I haven't had the opportunity to put it to the test, and frankly, it's June, for the love of whatever's holy this week. A spandex/poly blend may be a little revealing of your little brothers, but I guarantee it'll make you want to work out longer, accompanied by a suitable top of a wicking variety.

So I gotta pick up another pair of Elans this weekend. And, I suppose, a couple longer jerseys.

Pay attention to the little things

An endurance event is all about economy. Never use muscles you don't need to. Keep a quiet upper body when you're riding. Keep your shoulders and arms loose when you're running. When you're swimming ... well, hell, that's just such a panic, I figure every muscle in my body will be flailing, but still.

It's odd how a very small thing you haven't considered can screw that all up.

I was on an hour-long bike ride and just could not get my shoulders relaxed. Neck muscles clenched the whole time. Even when I focused on relaxing -- which is not necessarily a contradiction in terms -- just couldn't shake it loose.

Then I realized ... I was wearing my glasses. I have old-people lenses -- three prescription progressives -- but hip Gen X low-profile frames. (Is Gen X hip? I don't even know anymore.) Bent over the handlebars, if I looked forward with just my eyes, I was peering *over* the frames, like a sexy librarian. So in order to see the road, I had to crane my neck. Thus the tension, the neck pain, the etc.

Most of my rides have been with contacts in, as I 'd planned to do the race. But it's funny what you can overlook, how such a small thing can have such a profound impact. Attention to detail, is all I'm saying.

Halfway there

I started the 12-week 1st Time Tri training program two weeks ago, which leaves me 10 weeks to the race. And, as this blog is subtitled "Going from chain-smoking, beer-drinking couch potato to triathlete in 20 weeks," that would suggest I'd better be halfway to a triathlete.

I'm on or ahead of schedule in all the disciplines in terms of workout, says my app. I am dead on 165 out of 165 minutes cycling, though I've missed two workouts. I tend to bank time on long rides, which I know is not the point. But riding a stationary bike is as boring as watching a very boring thing being bored, so I try to log all my time outside, which usually means the weekend. (Also, the week is the best time for swimming and running for me, thanks to the proximity of the Y to work.) I have 105 minutes to log for next week, which I'll likely put in tomorrow with Rob, weather notwithstanding. (Then I'm taking my trusty steed -- my bike that is, not Rob -- in for tweaking at the shop.)

Well ahead on the swimming, having put in 2,100 metres in the last two weeks, when the program wanted 1,150. I bank these metres not to buy days off, but because I am still concerned I won't be able to finish the swim leg unless I put in more time.

But my proudest accomplishment when it comes to the program is that my running has kept pace. So far over the last two weeks, the program has demanded 75 minutes. I've run 76. I actually banked a minute running. This is a huge deal for me. In high school, they practically had to put a gun to my head to make me do the 12-minute run, a pre-requisite for passing PE in 11th grade. I have always despised distance running. The 13.5 km I've run in the last two weeks is more distance running than I'd done probably between my 18th birthday and March 21, 2010.

After the early gains of the first few weeks, I probably haven't improved much. And the first two weeks of the training program have been reasonably gentle. When I look ahead at next week's sessions, there's a definite step up in the demands for running; rather than 4x5-minute sessions, I'm looking at 2x10-minute sessions. That's a fair hump for me to get over, especially since I took my Saturday rest day on Tuesday because of work issues. (I blame the lawyers. Long story, and one I can't tell anyway.) The swimming increase is moderate (and I usually go over anyway), and I'll have the biking out of the way by tomorrow afternoon.

The week after is a recovery week, so the demands don't go up. They don't go down, either. The week after the week after ... well, it gets a little nastier.

Oh, You Pretty Things ...

No particular reason for the headline. Just it's my favourite David Bowie song: "All the nightmares came today/And it looks as though they're here to stay ..."

Punchy. Long day at work. (It involved a lawyer, a deadline and a seemingly endless stream of people who wanted to piss me off.) Not your problem and I apologize. I particularly apologize to the photographer's assistant at the event I was at this evening who asked what my name was and who I worked for. I am not Elton John and I am not the president of Mexico.

I've had the second person tell me (Hi, Jennefer) that this blog is not allowing comments to be posted. This is odd, because some people *have* been able to post comments. I know not why this is. I have changed a couple settings, neither of which should affect the ability to post comments, in the hope that, since this problem is irrational, random solutions should correct it. There's no reason, according to the settings, that anyone can't post comments. I completely opened it up when someone else (Hi, Gail) complained that *she* couldn't post a comment. Charles Manson should be able to post a comment to this blog. I mean, if he had Internet access and wasn't batshit crazy.

I will figure it out. If you feel a pressing need to comment in the meantime, a) I'm really flattered, and 2) do it on Facebook, since I'm actually checking my Facebook notifications with some regularity now. Jennefer's comment had something to do with the relative merits of pop-tart Hayley Williams's breasts and toe clips for your bicycle. In fairness, as an aspiring athlete and a single male with hormone issues, I approve of both.

And now, seeing it underlined like that, I must say, with apologies to Briony: Hayley Williams's Breasts would be a great name for a rock band.